Lead Change is a leadership media destination with a unique editorial focus on driving change within organizations, teams, and individuals. Lead Change, a division of Weaving Influence, publishes twice monthly with SmartBrief. Today’s post is by Mary-Frances Winters.
Don’t talk about politics or religion at work! This old adage is one that we have mostly adhered to for centuries. I would also add race, sexual orientation, harassment, and disabilities to the list of topics that we don’t easily talk about. We’ve been socialized to believe that it is best not to talk about topics for which we know there are vastly different worldviews.
I would contend that our current sociopolitical climate, coupled with our immediate access and consumption of news via social media, has made this widely held tenet null and void. The polarization is so deep that it is almost impossible not to talk about politics, which also means we are talking about race, ethnicity, religion, class and gender because they are all so intertwined.
The growing body of research around psychological safety, engagement and inclusion has shifted the dialogue from whether we should be having these conversations at work to how can we begin to arm ourselves with the competencies to have these conversations at work.
I was conducting a “healing” session for a client just after the election with employees of color who represented various employee identity groups (e.g. black, Asian, Latino). One of the participants said that, as a gay Muslim man, he would not stand close to the edge of the subway waiting area any more for fear of being pushed in. A white male leader in attendance as an inclusion advocate was shocked to hear that anyone would have to have such a fear. Another one of our clients, a major public-school district, is dealing with children coming to school afraid that their parents will be deported, leaving them here in the US as orphans.
Employees are bringing such fears to work. Children are bringing these fears to school. As leaders, we need to not only talk about these issues, but we also need the requisite skills to do so effectively. We need to recognize that there are a different set of skills needed to have bold, inclusive conversations across difference.
The model for bold, inclusive conversations supports leaders in fostering those skills and meeting people where they are when engaging in dialogue:
Foster self- and other understanding
Investing time to understand oneself and the perspectives of one’s cultural “others” is requisite to engaging in these oftentimes difficult conversations. As a matter of fact, this phase of self and other understanding can be difficult, in and of itself. Our identity is core to who we are. Whether it is our race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religion, veteran status or roles as parents, these aspects of our identity shape our worldview. They influence how we view and respond to current events, what we interpret as right or wrong, and what we stand for or against. It is important for us to understand why we believe what we believe, and why we disagree with those things we disagree with, if we are to be effective in having bold, inclusive conversations.
Sometimes our teams and organizations just aren’t ready to have these conversations. Sometimes we aren’t either. Perhaps it is because we do not know enough about the topic or have not had exposure to people from a specific identity group. Assessing individual and team readiness is key to engaging in these conversations. What might one consider when assessing their individual readiness?
- Exposure: Ask yourself: Who is in my world? The less exposure you have with people who are different than you, the less likely you will be ready to engage in bold, inclusive conversations.
- Experience: This takes “exposure” a step further. Experience is about engaging with those who are different from you in ways that are cross-culturally enriching.
- Education: Experience and exposure should be complemented with formal education. This may include workplace trainings, continuing education, research, visiting museums, reading books, etc.
- Empathy: Having the capacity to understand the perspective of one’s “other,” is also necessary to be effective in engaging in bold, inclusive conversations.
Preparing for the conversation
It is important to differentiate between preparation and readiness. Readiness refers to the ongoing learning involved in fostering self- and other-understanding. Preparation involves the tactical elements required to plan the conversation. Given the sensitive nature of bold, inclusive conversation, planning is critical. That said, spontaneous meetings to engage in these conversations should be avoided. When planning to engage in a bold, inclusive conversation, consider the following series of questions:
- Why are we having the conversation?
- Who should be part of the dialogue, and why?
- What is the desired outcome?
- How should the conversation be conducted?
- Where should the conversation be held?
- When will the conversation take place?
Creating shared meaning and finding common ground
When it comes to issues tied to our identity, we are more likely to be passionate and unmoving in our beliefs. Social psychologists have suggested that we retreat to separatist thinking when our core belief systems are threatened. Reasoning and evidence simply do not matter.
That’s why convincing someone to “change what they believe” is difficult and shouldn’t be the goal of engaging in these conversations. However, reaching a point of mutual understanding should. “Creating shared meaning” is a stepping stone to getting there. Ask yourself and each other, “what can we agree on?” Creating shared meaning and finding common ground includes statements like:
- “These types of stresses can impact engagement and productivity.”
- “We don’t know what we don’t know, and we all have a lot to learn about each other to have effective dialogue.”
- “We all want to be safe.”
Delving into differences
While understanding similarities is certainly a critical middle ground for bold conversations, understanding differences that make a difference is critical to getting to a place of reciprocal understanding. Consider the following when moving into dialogue around differences:
- Acknowledge the “elephant” in the room. Polarization exists and acknowledging that is part of the dialogue.
- Distinguish interpretations and clarify definitions. Even “universal” terms and values can be interpreted differently across cultures. What do terms like fairness, safety, and trust mean to those involved in the dialogue? Discuss those differences. Write them down.
- Uncover your different perspectives and listen with an open mind. Tell your story.
- Know when to ‘press pause.’ Set aside time to reflect. Be okay with non-closure.
- Strive for reciprocal empathy. There is no official ‘end game’ in engaging in these conversations. But …
If we can get to the point of reciprocal empathy (i.e., the ability to know what it is like to be the “other”), we increase the likelihood of generating new ways to engage with each other.
Mary-Frances Winters is president and founder of The Winters Group Inc., a 33-year-old organization development and diversity and inclusion consulting firm with an emphasis on ethnic and multicultural issues. Winters is the author of four books, including her latest, “We Can’t Talk about That at Work!: How to Talk about Race, Religion, Politics, and Other Polarizing Topics” (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2017).
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